Lonely Planet Guide - Lucknow

I was at IIM-Lucknow for their fest, which I must say was quite successfully organized compared to some of the other B-schools. IIM-Lucknow has a fabulous campus and an awesome library.
Lucknow, on the other hand, on the face of it, looks like quite a typical UP town. It has the characteristic North Indian electricity wires jumble all round it. (If you haven’t noticed as yet, its true. Most North Indian towns have a labyrinth of electricity poles and wires jutting out from all over). The cycle rickshaws jostle for space along with the magnificent Bovines, who, as anyone in the cow belt would tell you, always have the right of way. A river runs close to Lucknow and it could take a while for someone outside India to figure out if we operate on the “keep to the left” or “keep to the right” policy traveling in an auto here.

Except, that Lucknow is not so typical. Its got an old world laziness about it and not the hustle and bustle of the rest of UP. The approach highways are actually good. Some of the residential areas are almost South-Delhi like. It has a range of very good restaurants serving not only delicious Lucknowi Khana, but surprisingly most other cuisine. I guess the explanation lies in the fact that foodies are foodies and give them anything good; they’ll wash it down with a burp of satisfaction.
The history here, however, is not only taken for granted, but also neglected. Much like in Delhi, where you could just be passing by and stumble into a 13th century fort or monument with no fuss around it, Lucknow is full of Mughal architectural splendour lying around in total nonchalance. Because apart from the Imam Bara, none of the others attract attention. So, a lot of magnificent monuments of history are taken for granted in the town. (And yes, some guy in the bus actually said “Pehle aap”, but that was it.:))
The Sahara Mall, Lucknow’s answer to the Gurgaonisation all round India however, seems to buzzing with visitors all year round. A sign of the times, that a pseudo historian-traveller-intellectual-writer like me has to accept, albeit with a sigh.

Fire was discovered on Nov 19th !!!!!!

If that sounds bizarre, read on.
According to a documentary, the process of evolution is so skewed in time that if the entire history of mankind was reduced to a scale of 365 days or a year, Fire was invented only on November 19^th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What this tells us is that the process of evolution has had a completely skewed growth with exponential changes towards the end. Sample this: the last 5 seconds of 31^st December have witnessed innovations and discoveries which have been more than double of what was achieved in the past 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 55 seconds!!!!The invention of the computer, the Internet, the mobile phone, global warming, nuclear weapons. Things that could have a drastic and long lasting impact on the future of the Earth, as we know it - all in the last 5 seconds.

Ok, now lets integrate this with what is mentioned in Blink. The power of the subconscious. Or what gets hardwired into us without our knowledge based on the sum of our experiences. Some people call it instinct, some intuition.

This might help explain some of my favorite boy-girl differences.Consider this. If human history is 365 days old, contraceptives were popularized and known only in the last 3-4 seconds. So if the female notion that getting impregnated by a man means that she will need him to look after the offspring has been hardwired into the subconscious for 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds, all of Sarah Jessica Parker’s friends cannot take away the powerful notion of monogamy ingrained in women. Neither can 4 seconds of a mirage of equal opportunity for sexes stop that happily married guy from staring at some female anatomy when concept of spreading the his sperms far and wide has been hardwired into him for 364 days!! In other words, boys will be boysJ.

Some more humbling data. According to a recent study, the history of Earth is represented by a monolithic and gigantic Ice age interspersed with thaws. Apparently, the last 10,000 years have signified the biggest thaw in the history of the Earth. So almost all evolution and development has taken place in the last 10,000 years. In other words, mankind and indeed most of the other species you see around are all just symbols of extraordinary evolutionary growth within the single biggest thaw in the history of the Earth’s Ice Age. In B-school they always say, “Get a macro picture”.When you view events from the timeframe of Universe, it doesn’t get more macro than that!!!!

Sab Gandha Hai Par Dhandha Hai Yeh...

Shortly after my interview I ended up stuck on Juhu Beach at half past 2 in the night after a rather tipsy celebration. I had 2 options now – to take a cab at night rates and go back to the hotel in Colaba or wait for the first local at 4. Considering the 500-buck difference between the 2 decisions, I chose the latter.
It turned out to be quite an eye-opening decision to see the seedy underbelly of one of my most fav cities. Now, I was on Juhu Beach all by myself, with no one in sight in the entire beach.

Suddenly out of the shadows emerged a rather hideous looking (sometimes I wonder if it would have made a difference how she looked) lady (sense the sarcasm, people) with rather heavy make-up and extremely high heels.
“ Kya Saab, aata hai kya?” in a rather phoney pseudo-seductive tone
Ok, now I have seen these incidents innumerable times on television and through hearsay and I always figured, that though I would refuse, I would do it in a very James-Bondish manner.
But something in that entire milieu of an empty beach and darkness filled my mind with something I never expected – Fear. Now, I know what’s going through everyone’s mind. How many guys are actually afraid of women propositioning to them, even if it’s for money?
Blame on my middle class upbringing or on the moonless night, I was shaken.
“I speak English also, Sir”
She could speak all the Languages listed in the UN; it didn’t make a difference to my pulse rate.
I managed a rather vehement shake of the hand, desperate to avoid eye contact and by now very very embarrassed with my own fear, managed to break into a quick walk in the opposite direction, only my pride stopping me from breaking into a sprint.

******

Now one would think that would be enough for a night’s adventure, but of course Bombay had more to offer. I took an auto and said “24 hour Café”. I meant one of the coffee shops in Sea Princess or one of the gazillion hotels lined up on the road adjoining the beach.
Apparently it meant something else.
This time the auto guy started
“Saab, kitna time hai aapke paas”?
“Bus, yehi, 4:08 ka local pakadna hai”. - I hadn’t caught on to the tone yet. It was around 3.
“Mast chokri dikhaun saab”?
“Kya”??? - Now getting the hang of it….
“Haan saab, bilkul first class…”
“Tip Top English Speaking, Saab” – Now whats with the damn language. Did all men in Bombay seek out English speaking prostitutes????
“Boss, tum bus café chalo, please” – By now, I am a seasoned veteran and palpitations are down to a minimum. I am also amused, so I don’t interrupt his sales pitch
“Saab, inke paas mobile bhi hai saab.aap direct baat kar sakte hain” – Technology helps in improving business productivity, I have learnt in B-School
“Saab, aap bas ek baar aao saab. Uske baad chokri aapko baar baar phone karegi” –. This guy should be in sales. Talk about Customer Delight
Then he said something that chilled me to the bone
“Saab, abhi yeh fresh hain saab. Sirf 14-15 saal ki hain “
By now I have heard enough.
“Boss, tumko pata bhi hai 24 hr café kahan hai”?
“Nahin saab” – rather sheepishly
“Teek hai, mujhe station le chalo jaldi”

************

Now, bear in mind, I have trivialized the entire issue only because I think the whole transaction was done in typical Bombay fashion- professional and smooth. And because as a society we tend to very hypocritical about sex. Here there were 14 year olds being so obviously exploited and all that people could do was make a fuss about Khusboo’s reported comments in favor of pre-marital sex. Just shows the kind of double standards that Indian society has come to represent.

Now I have an interesting theory. I would like find out some facts and figures. The number of rape cases in Amsterdam. The number of AIDS cases. The figures both before and after the legalization of prostitution. If there is any evidence to support the fact that legalisation of prostitution leads to a decrease sexual abuse against women, if there’s any evidence saying that it leads to reduction in AIDS cases, we have a strong case for it, don’t we?
Lets face it; the flesh trade is not going to stop. Why not formalize it, have stringent norms imposed on working conditions, make sure no minors are involved, collect a 55% tax to be used for female literacy programs and run active AIDS awareness programs now that we have a captive audience in these centers. If it leads to a decrease in rape cases because the pervs now have a formalized outlet, we have a win-win, don’t we?

Of course such thoughts will be considered blasphemous by the moral brigade and they will continue to harass innocent kids in Meerut whilst making raunchy sex tapes involving their party presidents. But food for thought for the blogging community, whatsay?